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| Movie Music! |
I missed last week because I was out of town for some stuff, but I promised a binary surprise, and I'm here to deliver! I also promised from day one that I would eventually review all sorts of things, including music. Brothers and sisters, that day has come! Today we’re going to take a look at a subject that I’m pretty well versed on, film scores. In particular, we’re going to look at some of the most insufferable composers to ever walk the Earth. The biggest qualifier here is that they have done something in their career that rubs me the wrong way. To clarify, that isn’t to say that I don’t like these composers. It’s only to say that they have often done things that make me miffed. Also, I’m reasonable certain that some of my opinions are going to be pretty unpopular and the may leave you feeling:
Okay, now that I have the obligatory warnings out of the way, let’s get cracking!
Brian Tyler:
Congratulations Brian Tyler, you’re the first contestant on, “I think you’re a pretentious composer!” I think out of everyone on this list, I like Brian Tyler the best. Let me make this absolutely clear, he’s probably the most versatile composer on here, and he’s a really good composer. He’s done a ton of films that you’ll recognize just from name alone. His credits include such blockbuster hits as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles the reboot, several films from The Fast and the Furious franchise, Frank Herbert’s Children of Dune, the Power Rangers reboot, as well as Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag. His range of capabilities is phenomenal. So what did he do to earn a spot on this shameful list? Well, perhaps the following credits will shed some light: Iron Man 3, and Avengers: Age of Ultron. Still not following?
To put it succinctly, Tyler sold out creatively. There’s a fascinating article explaining much better than I could how Marvel under Disney looks for scores that don’t do too much, and that definitely don’t detract from the action and dialog. This has had the effect of leaving the MCU film scores sounding pretty bland. If you don’t believe me, just try to hum a few bars of any MCU movie song. Go ahead, I can wait. Done? Did you get one? If you did, good for you! Welcome to the minority! Most people can’t readily recall music from a MCU movie, and Disney wants it to be that way! So not only did Tyler sell out to his tremendous talent to go make MCU music, he did it twice! For this reason, I’m giving this otherwise fantastic composer two smelly toes down.
Hans Zimmer:
I don’t think this guy even needs an introduction. And again, I think ol’ Hans is a great composer. I just think that he’s kind of a douche in real life. You probably know him from a lot if you watch many movies at all because he’s been composing since 1984, but you might readily recognize him from such hits as every Pirates of the Caribbean film since the second one, the Dark Knight Trilogy, and Inception. I will say that Hans Zimmer is an extremely innovative composer. He has a way of pushing audio recording into new frontiers, and he manages to keep his style fresh. So what did he do to make this list? Two words: credit steal.
“To what might I be referring,” you ask. Round about the year 2006, a little number called Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest came out, and it came out on DVD, which I bought because the first one wasn’t too bad. I love to watch extras and it just so happens that he did an interview for that film. During that interview, he takes full credit for composing the score to Curse of the Black Pearl! I know I should let this go, but Klaus Badelt did that score, and he did a heck of a job. Zimmer composed the main theme, but the rest of the composition was all Klaus Badelt who had the genius idea of syncing up the beat of the music with the clashing of swords. Watch it! Each sword clash coincides with the upbeat of the music. It’s awesome! All I’m saying is, Zimmer needs to stop taking credit for other people’s hard work, even if he mentored that person!
Danny Elfman:
It was really hard to put Elfman on this list because I love his music so much. Just so much… You know him because he composed music for a couple of Batman films, Beetlejuice, several Spider Man films, and a ton of others. His music tends to be lively and memorable. His score for the Batman films still give me shivers. He’s all around good at his craft. So where’s the poop?
Well, this is a two pronged thing, but here goes. First, he’s a little too good at his job. What I mean is, he has a very distinctive style that he refuses to deviate from! Sure, the scores that he writes sound varied, and are appropriate for the film in which they’re being used, but at the heart of it, they’re all of Elfman’s same old tricks. He doesn’t push himself artistically. The second offense may be a little more controversial in some circles, but he was one of the driving creative forces behind Oingo Boingo, which means that he’s responsible for this atrocity! Nuff said folks.
Michael Giacchino:
This is the first name on the list that I don’t mind saying I don’t like very much. I do like some of Giacchino’s work, but in the grand scheme of things, he doesn’t excite me all that much. You’ll know him because he composed for Lost, and Jurassic World, and all of the JJ Abrams Star Trek movies. He’s gotten around the block, and there are even scores by him that I can honestly say I truly enjoy, but there are a couple of things that just drive me crazy about this man.
One, every single score that I’ve picked up by him has track titles in the form of puns! And not good puns. Not even puns that are so bad that they’re funny. Just awful puns that make you die a little inside every time you read them.
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| Exhibit A |
Also, he’s always working with JJ Abrams. If it’s an Abrams project, you can pretty safely bet that Giacchino won’t be far behind. Dude’s in a bad bromance with a terrible director, and it makes me a little bit sad.
All right, let’s finish this crap sandwich and be done with it! I feel like I need to chase this down with a list of composers that I thoroughly enjoy! Maybe later… Okay, the most pretentious composer, in my humble opinion is… *Drum roll*
John Williams:
Please feel free to crucify me in the comments. I am sticking firmly to my guns on this one though. Once again, I think I should point out that I do like a lot of Williams’ work. There are just some very deep seated, and complex reasons why I like him and hate him at the same time. He’s the man who helped to build many people’s childhood. He composed Star Wars, and Indiana Jones, and Jurassic Park, and Jaws, and the first two Harry Potter films. His credits are vast to say the least. His contributions to society are undeniable. He even composed one of my favorite scores ever! So where did he do this blogger wrong?
It all started with the 7th grade. I took a music appreciation course that year, and during that class, I learned to really dissect the music that I listen to. It was at that point that I started to realize something about the way Williams writes music for movies. He comes up with a few brilliant theme songs for a film, and then when it comes to all of the in between, he just tosses in generic sounding filler, and phones it all in. It gets to the point that unless you actually take the time to look at the track titles as they’re playing, you may not be able to tell where one film score ends, and another begins. Go ahead and close your eyes and then click this link. Then try and guess, with your eyes closed which film it came from. Go ahead, I’ll wait. I’ll bet you thought it was Harry Potter. Oh the disappointment! You lose! See? There are a ton of phenomenal John Williams theme songs, but when it comes to crafting entire scores that pack the same punch as his theme songs he has a pretty big blind spot in his skills set. Ergo, he doesn’t really write great scores. And certainly, a man of his lacking skills doesn’t deserve the kind of rabid fandom that we have provided him over the years. And it drives me crazy that people keep on dry humping the guy’s legs when I could easily name five composers who are way better than John Williams. Also, this:
That is the audio track options for the 2000 Expanded Edition of Superman. It’s an option to watch the movie with only the score. Talk about your pretentious douchebags. And then there’s this:
That’s what came up when I tried to figure out a song for our previous exercise. Don’t get on that high horse just yet. I already knew that completely forgettable songs existed in Williams’ vast library of scores, I just forgot their names because they’re forgettable and bland. Ergo, I needed help remembering them. But even Google is trying to oversell this man. I hate to bust the rose-colored glasses, but take a listen to few composers with significantly more talent that Williams, and his facade tends to break down pretty quick.
Now, I’m not saying that any of these composers are inherently bad. In fact, I would readily recommend them to anyone looking to get into the movie score obsession. I’m only saying that if you were going to a grocery store of film composers to shop around and find the freshest, and tastiest composers in the bunch, you probably would find other composers that are fresher and tastier than some of these guys. Or else they have the gnats of real life pretentiousness buzzing around them killing any desire that you might have had to buy and consume their tainted fruit. I’d definitely still recommend most of these composers to anyone who even remotely enjoys film music, but I suppose I’ll have to do a line up of superior alternatives next week for your reading enjoyment. So stay tuned! And feel free to flog me in the comments!
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