Failed Sci-fi Dramas?: Terminator The Sarah Connor Chronicles

Alright, full disclosure, this could be a longer article than usual. Probably not by much, but there is quite a bit to say about this particular subject as I happen to be a huge fan of the Terminator franchise. There are a lot of controversial opinions that come with that statement, but let’s just try and keep things civil for the time being, shall we? We’ve been here before, looking at science fiction shows that dies before they really had a chance to get off the ground, and there’s really nothing different about this show, except that it’s a different show. So why look at all of these fondly remembered shows when it’s just the same dance to a different song? The short answer: Each of them offers something unique, and for me at least, it’s fun to analyze what made these shows great, if a little underappreciated. To that end, let’s take a look at Terminator The Sarah Connor Chronicles! Heretofore referred to as TSCC.

When we start talking about the Terminator franchise, there’s a big pile of poo that we have to dive into in order to really get at the heart of the franchise on the whole. There have been five movies, and a TV show in the past 30 plus years. The franchise has also changed ownership a number of times in that span. Each project, with the exception of the first two, have been helmed and driven under the inspiration of numerous different individuals, and as such, there isn’t really a unified voice behind the bulk of the material. Rise of the Machines was muddled, cheap and formulaic. Salvation was a rather huge departure from what we’re used to seeing, and while it had potential, audiences weren’t ready to divorce the Terminator brand from its time travelling roots. And what can really be said about Genesys? I like the music, and Emilia Clarke is pretty easy on the eyes, but I have no idea what story that film is trying to tell. Let’s just forget for the time being that that one even exists. You’ll see why.

TSCC is an intriguing concept because coming into the show, it seems like series creator Josh Friedman wanted to try to unify the stories that existed up to that point and take the franchise in a workable direction. To that end, some really good decisions were made at the beginning of the show that put the whole affair in a great frame. In fact, due to these decisions, it’s pretty fair to call TSCC a kind of sequel to Judgement Day. See, in the very first episode, we’re about four years removed from the events of Judgement Day, and Sarah, and a 15 year old John are trying to lay low after the events that turned them into fugitives of the law. One of a handful of antagonists in the show is FBI Agent James Ellison. He’s determined to find Sarah and bring her to justice. However, he doesn’t know, or understand the mire he’s inadvertently thrown himself into as he’ll get as tangled up in the death defying drama that ensues as Sarah, John, and their posse. As such, in the pilot episode, Ellison tracks down an alias for Sarah, and runs a search over the Internet. This tips off the T-800 series model that had been trying to track them in that time period, and an intense, and exciting, not to mention bloody game of cat and mouse ensues. The Terminator tracks Sarah and John to a podunk town in New Mexico, and tries to murder John while he’s at school. It’s at that point that we’re introduced to Cameron, a newer model Terminator sent back to protect John, and played by the lovely Summer Glau. Sarah, John, and Cameron manage to escape the T-800 by using a time travel machine that was built into a bank back in the 60s. They leap ahead to the year 2007, and this is one of the major decisions that fundamentally changes the lay of the mythology. By jumping that far, the show essentially writes Rise of the Machines out of the story altogether. I’m not saying it was a bad idea. I think that that film creates more problems than it solves. I do enjoy aspects of it, and I enjoy watching it, but it mucks things up quite a bit.

In the year 2007, Sarah and crew don’t have much down time because as they arrive, an idiot teen with a camera on his phone takes video of the group and that video makes its way to local news stations. This puts Agent Ellison back on their trail much more quickly, and it also alerts the T-800 in 2007 to their presence as well, thus setting the stage for what would really drive the rest of the show. The overall premise is pretty much the same as the older films. The group is attempting to track down where Skynet is created, and stop it from going online. It’s cliched perhaps, but it’s simple, tried, and true. It’s really a formula that works well in the Terminator universe when it’s well executed, and oh boy is TSCC well executed!

Throughout the run of the show, the overall tone is pretty fatalistic. The idea that time is marching unchangingly toward a single end point is examined more than a little as Sarah and her gang try to affect major changes to the future of humanity. There’s an intriguing psychological and philosophical approach to the show that really makes it a treat to watch as well. Lena Headey plays Sarah Connor in this iteration and she does an amazing job. Her performance is layered, and complex as she tries to balance knowing what the future could hold, and preparing her son to fight that future with just wanting to be a mother. Headey brings these elements to life in an incredibly effective way. Also, she makes for a seriously bad-A Sarah Connor! Thomas Dekker plays John, and once again, he gives a great performance. I think his might be the weakest of the performances given in the show, but that’s like saying that Neptune is the smallest outer planet in the solar system. It’s still huge! And likewise, Dekker’s performance is still great, but when held up to the rest of the cast, it does lack just a little. But once again, he does a fine job balancing the angst and naivete of adolescence with the ever impending dread of having to grow into the savior of the mankind. Summer Glau’s Cameron character is given much more leeway emotionally than any of her predecessors had been given, and she uses that emotional freedom to great effect. Her interpretation of a cyborg trying awkwardly to blend into human culture is always poignant, and at times, just outright hilarious! Lastly, I’d like to mention that Bear McCreary puts up a great score for this show. If you’ve watched Battlestar Galactica reimagined, then you’re probably familiar with his work. His score for this show is foreboding, and visceral in a way that really suits the tone. It’s a lot of fun to listen to, and it complements the show quite nicely.

The first season only ran for nine episodes as it started up halfway through the 2007-2008 season, but in those nine episodes, it did a phenomenal job laying all of the necessary groundwork for what was to follow. By the end of the first season, Garret Dillahunt’s Cromartie character is hot on Sarah’s trail, and every episode becomes a struggle for survival. This is where the show really gets the Terminator identity right. At their cores, Terminator and Judgement Day were horror driven action films. Where everything went off the rails for most of the other films is those who were helming saw the franchise as a sci-fi franchise. But in reality, Terminator was simply using sci-fi elements as a vehicle for a horror action film, and TSCC really gets that. The good guys spend all of their time looking over their shoulders, the bad guys are creepy, and overpowered enough that they leave you wondering how the heroes could possibly triumph, the storylines are dark and seem futile. It’s all the makings of a great horror story with enough action to embarrass your average Fast and Furious movie, and enough sci-fi to hearken back to the franchise’s humble beginnings. One particularly interesting thing that TSCC brings to the table that the movies can’t is the filler between combat encounters, for lack of a better way to put things. Where the films have to focus on the immediate build up to a major battle between heroes and villains, and then maybe show just a little of the aftermath, TSCC has time to explore what happens ‘off screen’ in those movies. We get to see some of the day-to-day living as Sarah and crew try to hide from, well everyone, and as they attempt to put in motion plans that would ultimately lead to Skynet’s demise. There’s a lot of sleuthing, and a ton of intrigue, and it makes the whole thing so much fun to watch!

There are a couple of really memorable moments that I’d like to take a moment to point out. First, ‘What We Beheld’, the season finale of season one, and the season premiere of season two, ‘Samson and Delilah’ are probably two of the best episodes of the entire series. In them we see the heroes get so close to finally achieving their goals only to have success ripped from their hands suddenly, and violently. There’s a great shoot out at the end of ‘What We Beheld’ that doesn’t actually show anyone shooting, or getting shot. Instead, a pool at a motel is shown as bodies fall into it, the bodies bleeding profusely. The kill count is pretty staggering for a TV show, 20 in all. It’s simultaneously brutal, but not overtly violent, and I really like that aspect of the show. The producers knew that they would only be able to get away with so much on network television so they left a lot to the ultimate storytelling tool, the human imagination. All of the best filmmaking techniques, and all of the most powerful CGI supercomputers in the world can’t match the awesome power of the imagination, and the producers understood that. The less is more approach works exceptionally well for this show. Anyway, at the end of ‘Beheld’ our beloved Cameron suffers catastrophic brain damage, setting us up for her to revert to her termination programming. ‘Samson and Delilah’ is spent with Cameron attempting to hunt down and kill John. Also, we’re introduced to Catherine Weaver, played by Shirley Manson of Garbage fame. She’s one of the most perplexing villains I’ve ever seen in a TV show as you never do quite get a handle on her real motivations. Most of that has to do with the untimely cancellation of the show, but it’s also largely due to the fact that Manson gives such an amazing, and cryptic performance that you’re just left guessing the entire time. Finally, I do want to discuss the ‘series finale’ a bit. Like most of the shows that you’ll see in this series, the show got cancelled before the production team had a chance to wrap things up. Cancellation came unexpectedly, and late in the season for them. As such, our show takes some surprising twists, and leaves on a heck of a cliffhanger. This leaves unresolved plot points, and unanswered questions that we’ll just have to learn to live with, but believe me when I tell you that it’s worth the ride.

This show manages to capture the spirit of a franchise that’s made an indelible mark on our pop culture, and it manages to carry on a tradition of excellence in such a way so as to honor that which came before without letting the missteps of the past belittle its efforts. The show is intriguing, for lack of a better word, it’s exciting, and above all, it understands what it means to wear the name Terminator. It introduced some excellent concepts to the mythology that integrated well with what had been previously established. It demonstrates the strengths of this franchise in an irrefutable way, and really shines a light on the reasons why people keep coming back for more, even when the product is subpar. It’s an entertaining, and intense ride that will only leave you wanting for more, and it’s really unfortunate that this show wasn’t given a chance to finish what it started. One can only guess at the twists and turns that would have lain ahead, but at 31 episodes, it’s a quick watch that will satisfy any sci-fi lover. Give it a watch! And stick around for next week! Who knows what kind of surprises might be in store?!

Taking A Sick Day: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

It’s barely the summer solstice, and already, I’ve found myself in the throes of a summer cold this year. Typically, my colds tend to stay in their designated seasons, but this year, I’ve been especially vulnerable to disease lately. As an adult, when we get sick, we still have to do adult things so we get all of the pills, and we grit our teeth, and we do our adulting. As a kid, many of us got to stay home, and eat chicken soup, and watch cartoons. I am, thankfully, still caught in limbo somewhere between a child, and an adult, and so when I get sick, I take care of business on the school front the best I can, and then I come home and watch cartoons. And nothing makes me feel warmer, or fuzzier than Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It really takes me back. Conveniently, I got the whole series on DVD several years back so when I’m feeling under the weather, I pop in one of the 22 discs, and I select the “Play All Episodes” option, and then I let mother nature do whatever she’s going to do to me with a childlike grin on my face because at least I’m really entertained.

TMNT may not be the semi-high-brow fodder that I usually examine here, but cut me some slack, I feel like a mack truck in sitting on my chest, and my nose feels like someone took a belt sander to it. Besides, looks can be deceiving, and I really think that this is the case with this show. Sure, we all remember the theme song, and the goofy animation style, and the groan inducing villains, and the fact that each episode was just a half hour commercial for the new merchandise that would inevitably be rolling out that holiday season, but beneath that, there was more. I mean, there had to be. The show ran for 10 seasons and covered a mind blowing 193 episodes! Surely, there was something brewing below the surface that gave this nugget some charm. Let’s take a brief look at what caught my eye recently so that I can go back to convalescing on my couch, shall we?

Okay, for the, like, two people who read this blog who don’t know what TMNT is all about, four turtles and a ninja master get mutated by some ooze. The turtles grow to be roughly human sized, and the ninja master turns into a rat. Then there’s the Foot Clan, run by one Shredder. He’s their primary nemesis when things need to get physical. He also has two dumb goons named Rocksteady and Bebop, who he created. However, the one pulling all of the strings behind the scenes is Krang, a warlord from Dimension X. For the bulk of the show, Krang and Shredder come up with some stupid schemes to take over Earth, and then the turtles have to stop whatever it is that the two are trying to do. It’s a simple, but effective formula. With that out of the way, let’s really look at this show.

First, until recently, I had only watched the show as a kid. Kids are smart, but there are certain nuances of the English language that tend to be misunderstood in a child’s mind. As a result, I missed all of the wonderful puns that are made in this show! And boy are there a boat load! Yes, the turtles spend the bulk of their time cracking wise in a more conventional fashion, but at least once every three episodes, or so, they pull a zinger of a pun, and totally rock my world! You hear this a lot about kid’s shows, actually. Parents will say something to the effect, “Sure, [insert show title here] is fine, but my kids are going to have to stop watching it once they can actually understand the jokes.” Or one of my personal favorites, “There’s no way you’re ever going to convince me that that show was made for children!” To those people who have ever made a statement like the previous two, I say, A) let them learn the ways of the world via a fairly harmless TV show because you’re alternative is the school yard, and those things are notoriously inaccurate, and B) well, duh! More to point B, network TV writers know that their primary audience is children, but what the good ones also understand is that the parents are going to have to endure countless hours of that crap too. So I like to think that many of them write in some of this more adult friendly humor to give stressed out parents a lifeline to hold onto when their kid is watching a favored episode of Spongebob Square Pants for the 10 millionth time. At any rate, the writers on TMNT got it, and they slipped some of that humor that’s designed to go over the kid’s head in as an act of mercy.

Sticking to the pun line a little, I want to bring up the episode names. A lot of shows use naming conventions when it comes to their episode titles. It’s such a big deal that tvtropes.com has a whole page devoted to it. A couple that immediately come to mind are Friends, wherein every episode is a variation on the phrase “The One _______”, and they’d just finish off the phrase however they felt would best describe the episode. Also, Smallville only ever used one word per hour of show to name their episodes. This hopefully alleviates the need for someone to say, “But ‘Absolute Justice’ had two words!” Yeah, but it was two hours long so… Anyway, I won’t say that TMNT had as regimented a naming convention going on, but there are a few episodes where you can see the writers having fun. This mostly took the form of using riffs on pulp sci-fi titles from days gone by. For example, “Attack of the 50 Foot Irma” is clearly a riff on “Attack of the 50 Foot Cheerleader”. Are there more? You bet there are! Am I going to list them here? Absolutely not! But you can find other examples on the Wikipedia page for the show. Okay, one more. “The Maltese Hamster” is pretty funny!

Believe it or not, there’s roughly a story going on underneath all of the shenanigans. I know this one might be a tough one to swallow, but it’s totally true! Mostly. It is technically true that the bulk of the episodes are just one offs with very little bearing on any larger story, but in the very general scheme of things, there is a little method to the story madness. When the show starts, Krang and his forces have a base called the Technodrome situated far below New York City. Later in the show, the Technodrome, and all of its inhabitants get forced into a portal that strands them all in Dimension X. This severely limits Krang’s options as any actions that he’d take would have to be interdimensionally coordinated. At some point, Krang manages to get the Technodrome back to Earth. In his next defeat though, Krang, Shredder and the goons are separated from the Technodrome as it’s pushed off to Dimension X, and Krang is left stranded on Earth. This gives rise to the more story cohesive seasons wherein the turtles are constantly trying to stay one step ahead of Krang and Shredder in order to prevent them from regaining control of the Technodrome. Is it flimsy? A little, but it is there, and that’s way more than I can say for some kid’s shows of the time.

Finally, I want to take a look into the mysterious grab bag of gags! This is the paragraph where I honorably mention things that don’t warrant their own paragraph, but that still warrant being mentioned. First on that list, fourth wall breaking. I did theater in high school, and we were always told never to break the fourth wall. We were told that it was the mark of bad acting/writing/directing to break the fourth wall, and that it brought your audience out of their illusion. TMNT did all the time! And it worked pretty well. Mostly, it was reserved for Raphael, but it certainly wasn’t limited to him by any means. Next up, the morals of the stories. We went through an awkward era of children’s programming where kid’s shows tried to be parents, and instill us with upstanding moral principles. They may still do that, I don’t know, but TMNT was right on that bandwagon. However, their morals were never overbearing, or overt. They usually ranged from things like, “Be excellent to each other,” to, “You’re cool the way you are.” Fairly harmless stuff, and lessons that are nice to hear from time to time. Last thing I want to look at are the countless dubbing/animation flubs in this show. If you watch an episode from say season 5 or 6, you see some incredible animation during the opening credits. Then you get to the rest of the show, and you wonder where all the budget went sometimes. This sort of thing happens all the time in this show. You’ll be watching and Leonardo will be going to free April with his katanas, but then all of a sudden, he’s Donatello! Or you’ll hear Raphael’s voice coming from Michelangelo's mouth. It’s all very confusing if you’re actually paying attention, but if you’re the drinking type, it could make a fun drinking game!

Anyway, that’s TMNT for you in a nutshell. It’s cheesy, it’s over-the-top, it’s often groan inducing, but boy do I love it. For all of its faults, it reminds me of simpler times when I didn’t get colds, or if I did, they only lasted a day. The good old days… Can I recommend it as an adult? Provisionally, yes. If you like shows that engage the mind very little, and that require very little attention, this show is right up your alley, or sewer perhaps. There’s a lot of it. It’s all pretty entertaining, and I would definitely give it a try next time you find yourself convalescing on your couch!

Top 5 Captain Picard Episodes

Today is Captain Picard Day! And no self-respecting Trekkie blogger would ever let the day go by without doing something to celebrate! Not. Ever. As one of the biggest Trekkies I know, I thought that it would be fun to take a look at some of the better Picard episodes through the ages.Why? Well, because then I get to talk about Star Trek, that’s why! Also, it plays to one of the greater strengths of Star Trek. There are always more things to analyze. No matter how many times you’ve watched an episode, there’s always something new to discover if you look at things from a different angle. In the spirit of fun, there aren’t any criteria attached to this exercise. This is purely subjective. *GASP!* Also, these are really in no particular order, but if they end up making sense by in the order of presentation, then I totally planned that. ;)

Episode 1: “The Big Goodbye”:

This isn’t your typical Picard entry, which is a little premature since this is a season 1 episode. However, from my viewing perspective, Picard was always very prim and proper when it came to how he conducted himself in front of his crew. But I’m getting ahead of myself. First a brief recap! So the Enterprise crew is on their way to open negotiations with an insectoid race that are the epitome of butt hurt. Picard finds himself burned out as he tries to prepare for the greeting, which he must recite perfectly the first time lest he insult these bugs and they go back into isolation.

To take his mind off of things, Troi suggests that he take a gander at the newly upgraded holodeck, which is weird because the episode where the Binars upgrade the computer doesn’t happen for another three episodes, but whatever. So Picard goes to play Private Eye in his favorite novel series Dixon Hill. What makes this episode most fun, and fascinating is what happens on the holodeck. He winds up a fish out of water as he bumbles around the mid-20th century in his ‘Halloween costume”. After the initial experience, he invites the crew to join him. He, Data, Dr. Crusher, and the guy that you know will probably die go to enjoy some down time, but there’s a malfunction, and they get trapped! With the safety protocols disengaged! And throw away guy gets SHOT! But Wesley saves the day, stupid jerk, and everything works out okay!

What I like about this episode, and what puts it on this list is how we get to see Picard loosen up, and really enjoy himself. Typically, he can come across as a little stuffy, but in this episode, he’s jubilant, and energetic, and it’s a side of that character that we don’t get to see terribly often. Picard gone wild, as it were.

Episode 2: “The Measure of a Man”:

Okay, who doesn’t know this episode? Be honest, now. Even if you don’t count yourself a Trekkie, you’ve probably at least heard of this episode before now. The basic premise is, a scientist from Starfleet wants to dismantle, and study Data in order to build more Datas. Picard has to defend Data in court, and Riker has to prosecute. It’s chock full of drama, and themes, and it’s just a great episode. If you haven’t seen it before, go watch it. Right. Now… For real, what are you still doing reading this article? Go watch this episode!

Anyway, what really makes this a great Picard episode is that we get to see a protracted example of Picard protecting his family. Data’s very continued existence hangs in the balance, and that weight is extremely well depicted by Patrick Stewart. But the futility as experienced by Picard, and his doubt over the whole situation is what really makes this episode a great Picard episode. Of course, in the end, Picard does save the day, and Data even ends up being a pretty good sport towards the guy that wanted to dissect him so it’s cool.

Episode 3: “Family”:

Okay, so it feels like we were just here, but I promise, it’s different… Sort of… So previously on Star Trek: The Next Generation, Earth was attacked by the Borg! And Picard was ASSIMILATED! The Borg nearly would have assimilated the whole darn planet, except that Data, Crusher, and LaForge were able to de-assimilate Picard, who was able to give them some great insider advice on how to defeat the Borg. But that was previously. This episode is about the aftermath. Picard is forced to take some leave to decompress, and so he decides to go home, and I think that’s really what makes this a great Picard episode. Firstly, we get to see some of Picard’s background, and secondly, we get to see Picard start to come to terms with his own frailties and his mortality. At any rate, Picard goes home, and we see as he grapples with the notion of moving back to Earth to do sciency stuff. He has a fight with his brother, and flirts with his sister-in-law, and it’s all good fun to behold.

However, it’s all of that character building stuff that really makes this an interesting watch. There’s a vulnerability, and an insecurity to Picard in this episode. And why not? He had his very being raped, and ripped away from him. All of the things that made him the person that he was got buried, and usurped by cold cybernetic programming. He hides it well, but when it finally boils to a head, boy is there a fallout. Accompanying Picard on this journey is supremely satisfying, again, because Patrick Stewart puts up such a great performance. And also again, Picard is always so measured, and proper. But the vulnerability we see, and the broken man that’s presented to us in the beginning of the episode are hugely impactful, and extremely poignant.

Episode 4: “Chain of Command, Parts I & II”:

Fair warning, these last two entries will be cheats somewhat, but mostly because they’re two part episodes. That’s okay though, they’re great episodes. So if you’ve ever happened to run across the “There are four lights!” meme, then you’ve unknowingly brushed elbows with this episode. In this episode, Picard, Crusher, and Worf are sent to infiltrate a Cardassian establishment. Picard is captured, and spends the better part of two episodes being being broken down in some of the most demeaning and grotesque ways that could possibly be portrayed in 1993. David Warner puts in an amazing performance as Gul Madred, and by the end of the episode, you just want to murder him with your bare hands. But this is not about him, it’s all about Picard.

The reason this episode stands out is because of how ruthlessly Picard is broken down. He’s subjected to sensory deprivation, sensory bombardment, forced nudity, stress positions, dehydration, starvation, physical harm, and cultural humiliation, according to Wikipedia. It’s brutal, and heart wrenching to watch. I’m starting to see an emerging theme here, but you gotta admit, Picard episodes are at their best when Picard is being broken down, and used as a painful microscope into the complexities of human existence. This episode out of all of them, really brings this point home. In the end, Picard is beaten down, nearly broken, and filthy, but he does beat his captor in this twisted battle of will. It’s a powerfully emotional episode, and it frames Picard in a light that brings him a little closer to our own level of existence.

Episode 5: “All Good Things…”:

I’m about to lay out an opinion that may not be terribly popular about die hard Trekkies, but I think it needs to be said. I was not entirely satisfied with the finale of Next Generation. There we go. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still a great episode. My biggest beef with it is that there isn’t much by way of adequate closure to the episode. And that’s all. I just wanted to see my beloved Next Generation cast get a proper, and final send off. Other than that, this episode is fantastic! Picard finds himself tripping through time between his past, present, and possible future. In the process of this, he’s expected to solve the ultimate puzzle as devised, and presented by Q. In this regards, the episode is a great bookend to the series. That’s why it’s fantastic. Picard has to utilize the tools that he has in each time period, and in the case of his past, his crew didn’t trust him terribly much. But, as Picard usually does, the conundrum is solved, with a little help from his friends, and everything ends on a high note.

What I really enjoy about this episode is the way that it presents what was, what is, and what could be with Picard, and with the show in general. We get to see a green crew with little experience working together that’s trying to learn how to become one unit. Then there’s the seasoned crew that we have come to know and love over the years. But then there’s the crew that’s been pulled apart by the passage of time. Some have retired, others have been promoted, and Picard has gone senile. It’s a winner takes all situation, and watching Picard work through the puzzle, not to mention the final solution to said puzzle, is supremely entertaining to watch. And it is a good finale, even if it’s not quite as final as I would prefer.

Every last one of these episodes are great! They’re really entertaining, and I think that these represent some of the best highlight moments from Picard’s character arc over a supremely awesome show! Give them a watch, and stay tuned to next week!

Summer Camp Extravaganza!: Heavyweights

We’re back to our month of summer camp, and this time around, we’re going to a camp with a theme! Some camps are designed around space, some around sports, others are designed to help you overcome certain abhorrent behaviors, but many are just there to body shame little kids into trying to attain a ‘normal’ weight. Thanks to Disney, we get to look at a movie about just such a camp!

Ahh.... 264,600 pixels of All-American insensitivity.

I’m not going to lie. I expected this film to pretty light-hearted, and for the most part, it was, kind of… It was just also a little insulting, that’s all. We start with our main hero Gerry on his last day of school. He’s exiting the building and talking to a friend about plans for the summer when they both notice that Gerry’s bus has left without him. Gerry tries in vain to catch up by chasing it, but can’t because, and this is a running theme for at least the next six minutes, he’s the fat kid. We see Gerry walking home, and getting chased by a dog, to the enjoyment of the dog’s owner, who has it on a leash. Then we see Gerry attempt multiple times to throw a baseball over a six foot fence unsuccessfully, because he’s the fat kid. After Gerry gets home, his parents blindside him with a meeting they set up with a salesman who’s convinced them to send Gerry to camp because he’s the fat kid. It’s a fat camp, and Gerry totally calls them out on it, but when you’re twelve, your will is not your own.

So Gerry goes to camp, and while he’s on the plane, he meets another camper who’s also overweight, and who, for some reason, makes grossly general assumptions about Gerry’s personal life based on Gerry’s outward appearance. For instance, the other guy mistakes the man in the seat next to Gerry’s as being Gerry’s father because the man is also fat. Dude, seriously? Anyway, they arrive at the airport, and we’re quickly introduced to Pat, the eternal camp counselor. Seriously, the guy has spent 18 consecutive summers at the camp. He’s the super cool and fun role model type whom all the boys look up to despite the fact that he’s spent the better part of two decades attending the same camp. But, really, Pat is a pretty cool guy. And you can tell he’s a pretty cool guy because he swears. Not like a sailor, or anything, but he does bust out some PG zingers from time to time. Anyway, there’s a lot of banter, and you know it’s all in good fun, but that’s probably because as an adult, Pat has mastered his sarcastic voice.

There’s a lot of hype over how fun this camp is, and if I’m being honest with myself, the video, and the anecdotal information does make it seem pretty cool. There’s go carting, and this giant balloon thing that the kids use to launch each other into a lake while swimming. Okay, I’m not exactly down with the swimming, but the go carts sound like fun. The kids all arrive, and not surprisingly, all of the interesting characters end up in the same bunk house. At this point, we get to see the kind of camp this place really is because the boys all start whipping out all of the fattening, sugary contraband that they’ve smuggled in, and they’ve got some pretty professionally built looking hiding places for all of this stuff, too. What I’m saying is that this Camp Hope, as they call it, is more like ‘Camp Enabler’. “It’s a good camp,” the kids might say. “That’s not what your LDL levels are telling me,” their doctors would probably say.

At any rate, we’re introduced to the rest of our camp buddies, most of whom are just background noise throughout this movie because we don’t want to overload the film with too many characters competing for attention. You know what? I’m okay with that, actually. The most utilized campers besides Gerry are Josh, played by Shaun Weiss, who you would more readily recognize from The Mighty Ducks movies, and Roy, who’s played by Kenan Thompson, and who you would probably more readily recognize because he’s on Saturday Night Live now. Roy is the plucky sidekick who’s there for moral support, and Josh is the class clown. The rest of the cast are pretty much just movie tropes. There’s the intellectual kid who has a rival in the group that just happens to be British. There’s the quiet kid. And… Actually, that’s pretty much it. There may be others involved, but they’re all really forgettable. That got me wondering why there were so many throw away characters in this movie. Then we got to the second act…

Say hello to your second act.

In fact, that is Ben Stiller. His dad, Jerry, plays the original owner of Camp Hope. Jerry’s character trusted his financial advisor a little too much, lost everything, and sold the farm to Ben’s character, Perkis. Perkis has a first name, but I’m too lazy to remind myself what it was, and besides, I came up with a great nickname for him, Jerkis! Sometimes I just slay myself! Anyway, Jerkis, who shall heretofore always be italicized, is a late 20th century health guru who is attempting to use Camp Hope as a scheme to make a quick buck by selling its services via late night infomercials. I’m not exaggerating when I say that he is the entire second act. He decides that what these spoiled campers need is a little tough love, and so he does an initial weigh-in, and then proceeds to use every late 90s gimmick in the book to help them lose weight. There’s diet, and then there’s these… things…

Which are apparently still a thing? Huh. Jerkis really lives up to his name depending on who you ask. He dismantles all of the go carts, takes away all of the junk food, and pops the Blob!

This monstrosity.

He does also use some pretty underhanded psychological abuse to try to persuade his campers to take their journey seriously. Like that time that he invited a bunch of cute, but awkward 90s pre-teens to a dance with all the fat kids, and then let the ensuing awkwardness do what it was inevitably going to do. Seriously though, Jerkis does take things way too far. You just don’t see any of it until the end of the second act. Then the kids rebel, they lock Jerkis in a holding cell and they do things their way. Which basically involves eating literally all of the junk food within a one hundred mile radius to the camp. Now, I’m not defending the over-the-top things that Jerkis did, but he was the only person in the camp that was trying to take an active role in helping these boys actually lose weight. The Camp Hope counselors were pretty much just there to help the boys feel like their obesity was not that bad. Jerkis was trying to help them realize that they needed to take control of themselves to lead a more fulfilling life. Even if that message got lost in some really crazy attitudes. Also, Jerkis hired this guy! At the end of the day though, Jerkis’s dad, also played by Ben Stiller, has to come take him home for some much needed counseling sessions.

Disney should make a movie just about this guy!

That’s Lars, and he’s by far my favorite character from this whole movie! He’s super ripped, but he’s also super goofy, and just as awkward as the boys. It’s great.

The final act of the film is comprised of the boys preparing to face off against the athletic camp in a competition for bragging rights. There’s an obstacle course, a knowledge triathlon, and a go cart race. I have to admit that the director, and the editor arranged things so that it at least seemed like it was a close race. Although you’re going to see a lot of jocks are dumb tropes here. But it is exciting up to the very end. However, because this is a feel good Disney film, the big boys win! Then the jocks throw a tantrum and get marginalized.

This is a really polarizing movie for me. On the one hand, I know that is was just a popcorn flick that Disney just released as fodder for the really slow post holiday movie season. It was probably meant to get kids excited about the upcoming summer when Disney would, no doubt, be releasing some of their bigger films. Ergo, I know that I should take the whole thing with a giant grain of salt. However, it does a couple of things just right enough that I feel pretty comfortable taking it a little more seriously in some regards. The best example is Jerkis. The guy is a psycho for sure, but we as the viewer get some insights into why he’s psychotic. You get to see that he was ostracized as a kid, and that his dad was really hard on him growing up. All of that is offset by the fact that he mostly grew up in a social bubble created by his parents’ wealth. It’s actually kind of deep. Also, Stiller does a phenomenal job playing a satire of your stereotypical infomercial salesperson. And then, the parts that were supposed to be funny, are actually pretty funny. Oh, and there’s some sick use of classical music in this movie, y’all. It’s off the hook, as some might say. Lastly, the structure of the film was very well defined. We spend the first act seeing our heroes struggle with their man-versus-self obesity issues. The second act is man-versus-man in the form of the campers versus Jerkis. This resolves itself in the one act. Then the last act is the competition that was alluded to earlier in the film, and the resolution of that event ties everything together pretty nicely.

Then we get to theme. And this is where the movie really starts to lose me. On one hand, the movie spends a lot of time showing how miserable it is to be overweight. I wasn’t exactly the overweight kid when I was younger, but I’ve definitely packed on a few pounds in recent years, and so it’s confusing to me to see a movie point out how ridiculously demoralizing it can be to be that guy, and then lace that with criticisms of being a healthier weight. Movie needs to make up its G-darn mind already! You can’t tell us that it stinks to be fat, and then turn around and also tell us that it stinks to be skinny. Those two messages conflict. Now some of you might say that the movie was trying to tell kids to be happy and confident in who they are. I’ll let you have that, but as exhibit ‘A’ in my argument against your hippy dippy musings, I present this:

HOLY CRAP! That’s the guy that played Josh in the movie! And he looks great! I’m not trying to body shame here. Buy what I am trying to say is that if you’re going to make a movie about the struggles of obesity, you should maybe try to make the message something along the lines of, “Being a healthy weight is good. Having self-discipline is good.” And not, “Being fat stinks, but being skinny also stinks.” It’s a complex message that could have been explored way more effectively, but that got minimized and boiled down to a confusing parody of itself in the end. Instead of thinking about the message that this movie was going to send and trying to send a balanced and helpful message, Disney thought about all the Coca Cola they were going to want to sell that summer at their theme parks are made something with less negative financial implications. I am shaming Disney a little bit here.

It is a funny movie, and it’s a lot of fun to watch. Just don’t think too much about what’s going on under the surface. It’s currently on Netflix as of this writing, and I do highly recommend giving it a watch, even with its weird and confusing themes. It’s a great way to spend 90 minutes, and a great way to get excited about summer! Stay tuned to see which camp we wreck next week!