Looking at a Tragedy: Fantastic Four

I offer to you a tragic tale this week to offset our awesome comedy from last week. This tale, too, will be awesome, only in different ways so strap in and hang on as we look at one of the unsung victims of the Hollywood money machine...

Remember when Marvel films used to be good? What's that you say? Marvel films are good? Well, sure, they make lots of money, and they're well reviewed, and it could be argued that there's still a good bit of passion behind each project, but I would contend that there's just a little something, a sort of je ne sais quoi missing these days. Okay, I have a theory, but I'm trying to build some suspense here. Cut me a break. I'm talking about the days before Disney, really the days before Marvel even had a handful of go to studios to make films. I'm talking the wild west days of licensing options, and low budget cheese fests that made you giggle and forget the world for about 90 minutes. I'm talking about the 90s, well, and the 80s.

Today, there are more Marvel films than anyone truly cares to count, and I'm just talking about ones that have been made since the relative start of this century. I'm going to try anyway because that's what I do, but just trust me when I tell you that it's a long list. If we look at just the MCU, there's: The Incredible Hulk, Iron Man, Iron Man 2, Thor, Captain America: The First Avenger, The Avengers, Iron Man 3, Thor Dark World, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Guardians of the Galaxy, Avengers: Age of Ultron, Ant-Man, Captain America: Civil War, Doctor Strange, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, Spider-Man: Homecoming, Thor: Ragnarok, and Black Panther. That's just what's been released to date! On the horizon, we have Avengers: Infinity War, Ant-Man and the Wasp, Avengers: Infinity War 2 (working title), a sequel to Spider-Man: Homecoming, and Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3. That's a ton of movies! And we've only just done the MCU. Now let's look at what Fox has done this century. We have *inhales deep breath* X-Men, X2: X-Man United, X-Men: The Last Stand, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, X-Men: First Class, The Wolverine, X-Men: Days of Future Past, X-Men: Apocalypse, Logan, The New Mutants, X-Men: Dark Phoenix, Daredevil, Elektra, Fantastic Four, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, Fant Four Stic, Deadpool, Deadpool 2, Kingsman: The Secret Service, and Kingsman: The Golden Circle. Fox is also going to be able to finish production on Gambit, X-23, X-Force, and Deadpool 3 either before, or after their upcoming merger with Disney. Sony, or subsidiaries thereto, have do Spider-Man, Spider-Man 2, Spider-Man 3, The Amazing Spider-Man, The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Ghost Rider, and Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance.They also have Venom on the way this year. Universal, who collaborated with Disney on The Incredible Hulk in 2008, also made 2003's dud Hulk. New Line Cinema puts their name in the hat with Blade, Blade 2, and Blade Trinity. Then Artisan Entertainment graced with another underrated comic film, The Punisher. Marvel Studios followed that one up with Punisher: War Zone. This list seems pretty exhaustive at this point, at least to date. Sorry about the length of this paragraph. You could say that this article has begun to list a little bit. Eh? Eh? No? Okay, fine. Let's move on.

For those of you keeping score, since the year 1998, there have been 46 Marvel films to date with another five scheduled to be released by the end of this year. That means by December 2018, Marvel will have been releasing films on a schedule equivalent to two and one-half films per year for twenty years! I may stand alone in this opinion, but I'm pretty tired of the whole thing. I'm ready for Hollywood to find a different fixation for a while. It wasn't always like that though. Let's take a look at pre-1998 to see what Marvel was doing then. The first Marvel film ever released was Captain America... In 1944. Then Marvel laid pretty low for a while. There were some shows, and some TV movies, but I'm not going to include those because this article could get out of control just off of the lists alone. But in 1986, Howard the Duck was released. This was followed by The Punisher in 1989, and another Captain America in 1990. So... Pre-1998, there were four films. Alright, you could say it was kind of a dark time to be a comic book fan, but again, these were cheese fests that could really show you a fun time, if not an intelligent one, and there is something to be said for that. Now it needs to be said that licensing and options to license where Hollywood and comics are concerned is an ever loving mess to traverse. A lot of these films pre-Blade were produced and released so that the studio could leverage options to use related characters later. These contracts usually stipulated that the studios had to do something with the properties that they had within a certain period of time, or else the options would revert back to the owner, in this case Marvel. Ergo, when Universal Studios put out Howard the Duck, it was probably so that they could retain the rights to the Incredible Hulk, which they'd gotten in order to make the show in the 70s. Between movies and TV shows, they were able to keep the license up through the present day. See how it works now? Good, neither do I, but it's important to understand that going into today's article as this idea of use it or lose it is going to play a big role in our tragic tale.

In the early 90s, before Marvel became one with the House of Mouse, Marvel was most definitely a house divided, but with good reason. They weren't terribly interested in much more than making comics and comic related things like comic collector's cards. It was for this reason that they would farm out duties like TV show development, or film development to outside studios. Once again, the waters could be treacherous though. A studio might get rights to a character, but not all related characters. This usually happened as a result of some overlap with other properties. For example, as we're already kind of getting there, when Constantin Film leveraged the rights to The Fantastic Four, they were denied access to Mole Man, who first appeared in the first issue of Fantastic Four. Seems silly, right? Well, granting access to Mole Man in the late 80s/early 90s would have, in theory, also given Constantin rights to use the Incredible Hulk, who Mole Man had teamed up with at some point earlier, which then would have snowballed not only into Hulk territory, but since Hulk had done team ups with Spider-Man and Wolverine, it would have cascaded into those properties as well. Marvel couldn't allow this as Sony had rights to Spider-Man via the 90s cartoon, and Fox had rights to X-Men, again, via their freakin' sweet 90s cartoon. As a result, when Constantin pursued Fantastic Four, Marvel only gave them rights to the actual Fantastic Four heroes, and basically Doctor Doom because those were the only characters that Marvel could be sure wouldn't result in one studio stepping on the toes of another studio.

Those who have seen recent Fantastic Four films will recognize that these films rely quite heavily on some fantastic CGI. Back in the 80s, and even in the 90s, the option to use CGI to that extent just didn't exist. This meant that any film that Constantin produced using Fantastic Four would either have to have a huge special effects budget in order to pull off the type of sequences that were necessary to sell the production, or it would have to look awful. Enter Roger Corman:

Anyone who has an affinity for B movies should be reasonably familiar with Roger Corman. For those who are not, some highlights are the Death Race series, the Carnosaur series, and several creature feature B movies for the Syfy channel. His style is unmistakable and his movies, although the pinnacle of cheesy, are just a ton of fun to watch. I can't recommend his work enough! Roger Corman is the guy you go to when you have no budget, an unrealistically tight deadline to meet. It's no wonder then, that when 

Bernd Eichinger of Constantin Film found himself under the gun to do something with Fantastic Four, he turned to Corman to get the job done. The idea was simple, in 1992, right as Constantin Film's options were set to expire, Eichinger hired Corman to produce a film for an official budget of:

I say that's the official budget because story has it that the actual agreement was that Constantin would proffer up $750,000, and Corman's company would ante up an additional $750,000. Whether this was the actual agreement, or just how it ended up happening, the world may never know.

Production officially began on December 28, 1992, you'll recognize that as being three days before 1993 started, and thus three days before Constantin would lose his option. Oley Sassone was hire to direct, and a crew was put together with a cast to do a shoot that wouldn't last more than 25 days. Guys, that's an outrageously short time in which to film a movie! It's just insane! Now, everything started off swimmingly. The filming happened, mostly, Marvel started to hype the film a little bit, and Constantin was footing the bill as expected. However, around the middle of 1993, and with a release date of Labor Day that year no less, things started to smell fishy. Constantin started skimping on the resources, Stan Lee himself started to down play the entire project, and the release date was tentatively pushed back to January 19, 1994. All still seemed okay though. The film was to get a huge gala release at the Mall of America so everything at least seemed to be above board. Constantin even released a trailer for the film to run with Corman's newest release Carnosaur. People were getting excited and that ultimately ended up being a problem. But, the cast were stoked, and although there were a couple of sequences that needed to be filmed after principle production had ended, they were all doing their part. The cast members paid out of pocket to attend a few conventions, they signed autographs and even made an appearance at SDCC. It was here that when asked about the film, Stan Lee basically said, "We're not going to talk about that." He threw some serious shade on the production right there in front of hundreds of panel attendees and the cast from the film! That's when folks within the production really started to see that there might be issues with the film.

With no funding coming from Constantin by this point, Sassone and his production team started to do what Corman production teams do best, guerrilla film production. One of the editors admitted in an interview for the documentary Doomed! that he kept a master print on him at all times, and when he had other work that allowed him access to editing tools, he would stay at that place until the wee hours of the morning working on Fantastic Four. He wasn't getting paid, and probably could have been fired off the project that he was actually working on, but was so in love with this one film that he was willing to risk everything to see it completed. Sassone needed a sequence of the Thing walking around a darkened city street being scoffed and mocked. They couldn't get Carl Ciarfalio back to do these incidental shots so they shoved their casting director into the suit and shot it with him. They got Ciarfalio back to dub some grunts, but they were under the gun in a serious way, and this was just one of a series of janky miracles that they would end up pulling. Now, anyone who reads this rag knows that I'm pretty fond of film scores. Believe it or not, one exists for this film. Even after the funds had dried up Sassone found a couple of composers who fell in love with the movie. These were brothers David and Eric Wurst. They loved it so much that they spent $6,000 of their own money to hire a 48 piece orchestra and record. The score ended up being about 12 minutes long. They just wrote a few all-purpose themes and then used them carefully throughout the movie.

It was at some point in early 1994 that Eichinger informed Sassone and Corman that the film would never actually get a theatrical release. This was a huge blow to both, and both were understandably upset even as Constantin confiscated all material pertaining to the project and threw it in a vault somewhere. That probably would have been the end of it, but Sassone had kept what served as a final print to show to friends. To hear him tell it, he took it to a place to get transfers made to VHS so that he could at least show close associates that he had, indeed, made a Marvel movie. Shortly after that, unlicensed copies started to crop up at conventions of all types. Here's a picture of my actual copy that I bought at Dragon*Con in 2015:

It really does exist, I swear.

It's through these bootleg copies that the world was able to enjoy a film that was basically used to extend the clock a bit on an option for a company that saw dollar signs attached to a property, but could figure out how to use it. Constantin would release a Fantastic Four cartoon, and eventually, in 2005, Eichinger and crew would release a big budge Fantastic Four movie, but knowing all of this, it easy to hold their diabolical shenanigans against them. Whew! Now that we all know all about the scandalous backstory, let's finally look at Roger Corman's The Fantastic Four!

This is a pretty straightforward movie because Sassone wanted to be as faithful to the source material as he could. As a result, the film covers the origin story of the team as told in Fantastic Four # 1, and the origin story of Dr. Doom as told in Fantastic Four Annual # 2. Hopefully, we all know, at least to a degree, the origin story of the Fantastic Four. In this film, Reed Richards and Victor Von Doom are friends in college. They've devised an experiment that they'll be able to conduct as a result of a passing comet. The experiment goes awry and Von Doom is horribly scarred as a result. Reed feels responsible to a degree and allows his feelings of guilt, coupled with the fact that Reed presumes Victor dead leave that relationship at an end.

After ten years, we see Richards is living at a boarding home run by Sue and Johnny Storm's mom. It gets... a little creepy here as Sue has a crush on Reed who is a great deal older than she, but I think it's still technically legal... barely. Ben Grimm is a friend of the group and know Reed from college. They've all planned to go up into space in a ship that Reed has designed in order to continue the experiment that Reed and Victor started a decade prior. Reed even dedicates the experiment to his long dead friend. They do so and once again, they're all bombarded by cosmic radiation, which mutates them all. Following the bombardment, the ship crashes back to the Earth. Victor sends goons posing as Marines to capture the group so that he might experiment on them for his own gain. However, Reed hatches a plan and they escape. They flee to the Baxter Building, which has been a thing pretty much since the creation of the Fantastic Four, and lay low for a little while. Sue makes those cheesy costumes, but Ben is not having any of that. He resents that he's a rock monster and everyone else at least get to appear normal so he leaves and stumbles across the henchmen of the Jeweler, who was supposed to be Mole Man, but we already talked about that. See? I told you everything would come together.

Doom is pursuing Jeweler because he had hired the Jeweler to steal a rare diamond that was needed to power a laser that Doom had planned to use to destroy New York City. However, Jeweler found a blind woman named Alicia, and had become smitten with her so he swapped the real diamond for a fake, and was going to give the real one to Alicia. All goes terribly awry though as Doom's henchmen find the Jeweler's lair, and steal the diamond back, dispersing the Jeweler's henchmen and Ben in the process. It should be noted at this point that much like the Hulk, Ben has found that if he reaches a state of ultimate zen, he can sometimes revert to his human form this is played as a result of an attraction that he has for Alicia. But as soon as the bullets start flying, he turns back into the thing. He flees to the over streets, and finds himself being mocked and ridiculed. Ben decides then to return to his friends. After returning and reporting, Reed realizes that Dr. Doom is actually Victor. He concludes that the team are the only ones who can stop Doom from leveling the city so they go to his castle in Latveria. There they tangle with Doom's henchmen, and in a final battle, Reed and Victor duke it out. Victor appears to commit suicide as he drops off of an incredibly large fall. However, after falling into mists far below, he glove, which is still hanging on to a ledge moves ever so slightly suggesting that Dr. Doom may yet make a return.

Johnny morphs into Human Torch to deflect the laser beam from Doom's weapon away from NYC and into space. Ben is able to free Alicia, and formally introduce himself. He's afraid that upon feeling the rocky exterior of his body that she'll reject him, but she does not. Awwww!!! The four of them resolve to use their super powers for good, and officially become the Fantastic Four. Reed and Sue get married at the end and everyone lives happily ever after, except for everyone who was involved in making the film.

Alright, let's get one thing out of the way, this is not a great film. It is a good film, and if we're putting in context of what has grown to be a pseudo-franchise, then it's still the best film created around this property. The 2005 film was flashy, had a better special effects budget, and bigger name actors, but it lacked heart, wasn't terribly fun to watch, and dragged on for forever before it finally started doing anything worth watching. I haven't personally watched Fant-Four-Stic, but I've heard tales and they leave me sleeping a little easier at night safe in my ignorance of that celluloid abortion. What this movie has over a lot of Marvel films, although not necessarily those stemming from the MCU, is professionals involved who care about the source material and what that represents to fans. Pretty much everyone involved in making this film wanted to make sure that they did right by fans. That's a far cry from the attitude we see today, especially from Disney, that fans are just going to like whatever crap we decide to package based on brand recognition alone. The people involved in this film cared about the project, and to the extent that they helped fund it out of their own pockets. They were so passionate about the project that the paycheck became irrelevant. I'd like to see how Kevin Feige would react if the paychecks suddenly stopped rolling in. I know that he cares about Marvel quite a bit, but I wonder just how far that affection extends. This movie had people behind it who were giving way more than they actually had to see the project through to completion, and that shows. The fact that we can watch it at all is a testament to the love that those involved had for the project.

I will say, this movie does have a pretty tight script. The story might have a few holes, but it plays out pretty smoothly, and you're not left wondering about things a whole lot. The acting is... passable usually, but there are a few moments of over the top cheesiness. Just remember, it's supposed to be that way. That's Roger Corman's calling card. And if you ask me, it fits with the vibe of the Fantastic Four. The special effects, as we've discussed, are not great. However, for a movie with no more than a $1.5 million budget, they are pretty good, even perhaps mildly impressive in that context. It's not a terribly memorable watch, but it's a lot of fun to put on with a small group of friends in order to enjoy communally. I promise that said friends will have a blast with the cheesy score, low-budget effects, silly acting, and over-the-top situations. It's a great party movie! And it captures, at least in spirit, the Fantastic Four very well. I give it a solid recommendation. It's not terribly hard to track down if you'd like to watch it. In fact you can watch the entire film for free right here if you'd like! I think it's at least worth one watch, particularly if you've slogged through the train wrecks that have been Fantastic Four films throughout this century. I hope that you'll take 90 minutes and seventeen seconds to enjoy this unknown cult classic and that you'll stick around to see what I find to throw under the microscope next week!

Taking a Walk on the Lighter Side: Galaxy Quest

I often find myself marveling at the fact that of all the genres of movies that I watch, comedies tend to be put together the best. Stories are tighter, characters a utilized more effectively all around, pacing is better, and the experience just leaves me the most satisfied when it comes from a comedy. Of course, that's a generalization and there are certainly exceptions to be found everywhere, but I think it adequately describes how I tend to feel after watching a good comedic film. I watched Galaxy Quest a few nights ago because it was late and I had hoped that it would make for a good sleep aid. Alas, it had been so long since I had previously seen it, and it was so engrossing that I ended up watching the whole thing through despite the fact that I started the film at 1:30 in the morning. It was a genuinely fun time watching this movie, and I had forgotten just how much fun it is to watch.

It's no small secret that I love all things Star Trek, and although this movie isn't directly related, it does poke fun at the fan base, and I think that's pretty cool. I remember that my first encounter with this film was my trusty friend from last week's story telling me about this new movie that poked fun at Trekkie culture, and how I should see this movie. Spoiler alert, I did not. In fact, the first time that I watched it all the way through, I was in my twenties, and I picked up the DVD at a store from the $5 bin or something. Sleep deprivation allowed me to really dig into this movie this past week and I want to take a look at one of the greats among a dying breed of film. Galaxy Quest represents that parody sub-genre that hasn't really been done well since perhaps around the late 90s, and due to the globalization of the film industry, comedies in general are being produced less and less as the language barriers makes it hard for screenwriters to write the kind of nuanced comedy that we used to enjoy. It's kind of sad, but luckily we can pop in an old DVD and relive the glory days, and that's just what we're going to do this week with Galaxy Quest!

Galaxy Quest was directed by Dean Parisot, who I kid you not, only has five credits to his name. The story revolves around the cast of the cult phenomenon Galaxy Quest. The movie wastes no time in telling us this, or in drawing its parallels with Star Trek. You've got Daryl Mitchel playing Tommy Weber who played the whiz kid character not unlike WHil WHeaton. Then there's Tony Shalhoub who plays Fred Kwan. Kwan is a hard one to draw a parallel with as his character is the one that became kind of broken down after the brief success that he enjoyed on his show. The lovely Sigourney Weaver plays Gwen DeMarco, the former love interest of the lead cast member of the show Jason Nesmith, played by Tim Allen. Nesmith is quite obviously a parallel to William Shatner, and DeMarco could represent any number of women who had to deal with the man's world that was Hollywood television in the 60s. Rounding out the cast of regulars is Alan Rickman who plays Alex Dane. Dane might just be that cast's Nimoy. Adding to the shenanigans throughout the film is Sam Rockwell, one of my favorite 'that guy' actors, who plays Guy Fleegman. Guy played the redshirt on an episode, and has tried to ride out that brief moment of fame for as long as possible ever since.

We open to a screening of the 'lost episode' of GQ as back stage, we're treated to a thorough demonstration of the dysfunctional nature of the relationships between these actors. DeMarco, although upset, defends Nesmith, who's late, as usual. Dane starts to have a break down as he realizes the depths to which his career has sunk. Weber just kind of goes with the general tide of the others and lets annoyance get the best of him, and Kwan is just kind of there with no real spark at all behind his eyes. Nesmith shows up a few minutes after they're supposed to have gone on stage, and in a rush, they make their entrances. Nesmith tries to give a speech only to realize that his mic got cut off after only a few seconds. This one incident actually sets up a domino scenario for this first bit at this Galaxy Quest convention as we'll see. But let's just take a moment of reverence for the forward-thinking that went into this sequence. It's 2018 now and cosplay is huge. But in 1998, it was kind of an underground thing that only the most dedicated fans tried to do. There were some companies making cheap facsimiles of uniforms, primarily from Star Trek, but most fans hand sewed their own costumes, and did their own homemade make up. This movie captures that brilliantly, and at the same time, it kind of makes me long for those days again as it was harder to find cool stuff to buy, but the cool stuff was so much cooler.

Anyway, Nesmith is signing autographs and has to use the restroom. It's during his trip that two pivotal things happen. First, he bumps into the Thermians, a race that modeled their entire society off of Galaxy Quest and need help dealing with a tyrant. Second, during said trip to the loo, Nesmith overhears some jerks talking about how diluted Nesmith is and how his cast mates all hate him, and how silly it is that all of these people are so rabid about some silly show. This is going to start a chain reaction with Nesmith that's going to resonate throughout the film. Nesmith goes back to signing autographs haphazardly, and a young man named Brandon, played by Justin Long, starts trying to pester Nesmith with some really technical questions. Nesmith blows up at Brandon and leaves. Later, we see DeMarco and Dane talking on the phone about how worrisome it was to see Nesmith, who is always so gracious in front of fans, have an episode like that. Then we see Nesmith as he watches an old episode of the show and gets really drunk.

The Thermians show up at Nesmith's home the next day because he had agreed to make an appearance for them. They take him to their faithful recreation of the eponymous ship, and he's supposed to negotiate with Sarris, the tyrant. Instead, Nesmith just fires all of the ship's weapons at Sarris' ship and leaves thinking that he's fulfilled his obligation. It isn't until he's cocooned in blob and catapulted back through a worm hole to Earth that Nesmith realizes that everything about his show is suddenly more real than he ever could have imagined it being. He goes to where the rest of the cast are doing a gig at a supermarket grand opening, and tries to convince them to come with him. He'd taken a communicator device with him, and he tries to use this to prove what he's saying is true, but on his way to the gig, he's bumped into Brandon, and they had accidentally switched communicators. It isn't until the Thermians show up to bring Nesmith back that Nesmith is able to start convincing his costars that what he's been rambling about is true. They're all convinced to accompany Nesmith as they want money, and they don't have anything else on the horizon. This scene where they're all transported back to the Thermians base is just great because DeMarco, Weber, Dane, and Guy are all mortified by the experience, but Kwan is just as chill as an ice cube about the whole thing.

They're all ushered to an elevator where they get their first look at the real NSEA Protector, their ship from the show. It's a pretty great reveal. There's fanfare, and beauty angles, and it's all played very well. They board the ship and are ushered to the command deck where there are a lot of Thermians gathered to watch them fly out of dock. Weber, of course, screeches along the last bit because this is, after all, still a comedy, and it's really funny to watch, and I found myself wondering if anyone was worried about them busting windows on the dock as they scraped along, and also how the nose of the ship scrapes along, but the wing did not because that's the kind of fan that I am. At any rate, the slip the confines of the dock at which point, Weber suddenly gets really good at piloting the ship. They then meet back up with Sarris. Nesmith tries to use some subterfuge, but we get a glimpse into just how badly these people work together at this point. Nesmith tries to non-verbally tell DeMarco to kill the audio to the communications and then Nesmith starts giving orders to attack Sarris' ship. Sarris hears all of this and lets loose on the Protector. They have to escape and Weber finds a cloud nebula to go into, except that all is not as it seems. The cloud is actually a mine field, and it nearly destroys the ship as Weber pretty much hits every mine in their path from entry to exit.

Their ship crippled, the cast now have to figure out how to repair the ship. DeMarco does a hilarious bit where she plays mediator between Nesmith and the computer, and the impression that I get here is that she's the only one who can communicate with the computer, which would make sense since the Thermians based everything on the show, and she talked to the computer almost exclusively. They figure out that they need to replace their beryllium sphere, the Galaxy Quest version of dilithium crystals. Kwan and some of the Thermian engineers rig a way to run the engines on minimal power and they proceed to a planet with beryllium. They take a shuttle to the surface, and there's some bickering as Guy, who was worried about dying on the ship, is now worried about dying on the surface of the planet. Once they land, they scout the area and find some cute looking aliens that apparently mine the beryllium. Looks are, once again, deceiving as these cute cuddlies promptly eat one of their own that has been wounded. Since simply asking for some beryllium is no longer an option, Nesmith makes a plan. Nesmith, Dane, DeMarco, and Kwan go to steal a sphere while Guy and Weber keep a look out. As with most films, this is all a trap and the cast members have to get themselves gone fast. They scurry off with the sphere and load it in the shuttle, but that leaves no room for the last person. Nesmith and Dane quarrel over who gets to make the sacrifice. Nesmith clocks Dane and shoves him in the shuttle.

The aliens subdue Nesmith. When he awakes, there's a giant two-legged pig nosing at him, and the aliens are all chanting. Nesmith gets in a slight bout with the pig, and to solve the issue tells Kwan to digitize him. This goes horribly. The pig re-materializes inside out and then explodes. Kwan, his confidence shaken has a little breakdown, but things get even worse when the cast on the ship translate what the aliens are chanting. They find out that the chanted word means 'rock', and at about that moment, a rock monster forms and Nesmith finds himself quite outmatched against a superior enemy. It's up to Kwan to digitize Nesmith, but Kwan is still too shaken from the space pig. However, Kwan finally works up some nerve and gets Nesmith back on the ship. This is about the point that the cast starts to congeal as a group. Just in time for everyone to find out the hard way that Sarris has taken over the ship while they've been absent. They're all apprehended and taken to a room where Sarris has been torturing Mathesar, the pseudo-leader of the Thermians and played by Enrico Colantoni, in order to find out the secrets to the Omega 13 device. Mathesar, of course, doesn't know, and so Sarris uses Mathesar's torture to try and get the information out of Nesmith. When that doesn't work, Sarris threatens to torture DeMarco instead. At this point, Nesmith admits to Sarris that Galaxy Quest, and all that it represents were just a farce that the Thermians took way too seriously, and that he knows nothing of the Omega 13 device. Tickled pink, Sarris forces Nesmith to explain this to Mathesar in order to break Mathesar's spirit, which it definitely does. It's a heart rending scene as you see Mathesar reach the realization that everything that he's believed it was a lie.

Sarris, realizing that the cast are not going to be of any use, orders that they all be blown out of an airlock. The cast are shown during the interrogation that the other Thermians are slowly being deprived of air, and so the challenge is set. Nesmith has to figure out a way to free the cast and save the crew. He starts a fight with Dane while two guards are prodding them all into an airlock. During the altercation, Nesmith grabs a metal object and clocks one of the guards. The other is shot and the force of the blast pushes him into the airlock. Kwan then launches both of them out into space. Having freed themselves, Nesmith tells Dane to go try and free the other Thermians from the barracks. He tells Guy and Kwan and Laliari, one of the Thermians played by Missi Pyle, to go close the atmosphere release valve, and says that he and DeMarco will go turn off the ship's self-destruct. Weber is ordered to go and learn how to fly the ship. Splitting the party is never a great idea, but in this case, it just can't be helped. Dane goes with the metal object to see if he can open the door to the barracks. Along the way, he runs into Quelleck, played by Patrick Breen. Quelleck has attempted to pattern his life off of what he learned watching Dane's character Dr. Lazarus, and the two make the attempt to save the crew together. Dane to this point has been pretty resentful of what his run on the show left him sidled with. The cheesy one-liner, the type casting. It really is reminiscent of Nimoy and his initial feelings about Spock after leaving the Star Trek the first time. However, seeing how the character impacted Quelleck, Dane begins to come to terms with his experiences playing Lazarus and begins to embrace the aftermath of it all.

Meanwhile, Kwan Laliari, and Guy find that the control for the atmospheric vent is heavily guarded. Guy offers to rush in and draw their fire, convinced that he won't survive this ordeal, but Kwan has a much more devious idea. Instead, they digitize the rock monster into the control room. The monster chases the guards out of the room, down a corridor, and then the all get blown into space when the monster rips a hole through hull of the ship and exposes that area to space. Kwan, Laliari and Guy are able to save the crew even as Dane and Quellek realize that they can't simply pry the door open. The two are successful though, and there's a very brief celebration. But then Quellek is shot, and killed by one of Sarris' men. Dane feels a rush of anger over the loss of Quellek and attacks the soldier that killed Quellek. This incites a riot amongst the Thermians who quickly begin to overrun the ship again. In the meantime, Nesmith and DeMarco realize that they have no idea how to get to the bowels of the ship to turn of the self-destruct. But Brandon does, and he has a communicator! They get him on the line. There's some apologizing for being too pestering, and an 'admission' that it is just a show, and then Nesmith tells him that it's all real and that they need to shut down the self-destruct. I imagine that faced with the revelation that all things Star Trek are real, I'd probably react in much the same way that Brandon did.

At any rate, Brandon and his buddies guide Nesmith and DeMarco the room where they can shut off the self-destruct. There are some crushers and the two get to see the Omega 13, and there's a thoughtful conversation about what the device might do. Brandon suggests that it can rewind time by 13 seconds. This is important for later. Nesmith and DeMarco traverse every obstacle between them and the abort button and when they find that all they have to do is press a button, it all seems a little anti-climactic. But, pressing the button does nothing and for a few seconds, it seems as if they're all going to die anyway. The two make indirect professions of love towards each other, and with only one second left on the countdown, the self-destruct ends. Nesmith goes back to the bridge to find that the ship is in ship shape and they start to head out, but Sarris swoops back in for a final attack. Nesmith orders Weber to fly them through the mine field, which Weber does incredibly well. Nesmith then asks Weber to fly close enough to start dragging mines behind the ship. Sarris is waiting for them when they emerge. Sarris sees victory in sight and unloads all he's got on the ship. It's tense as it looks like the Protector will be destroyed, but in this game of chicken, Sarris has overlooked one thing, the Protector is dragging a ton of mines behind it! Weber veers off just in time for all of those mines to collide with Sarris' ship, destroying the ship.

Mathesar, his faith restored in Nesmith and the cast, is jubilant. Nesmith tells him that they all still have to go home, but that Mathesar himself will make a fine leader for the crew. The plan is to go through the wormhole that brought everyone from Earth and return the Earthlings home, but Kwan appears on the bridge suddenly and starts shooting everyone. It turns out that Sarris had transported off of his ship at the last minute and used a camouflaging device to infiltrate the command deck. Nesmith activates the Omega 13 device and resets everything to the point at which Sarris enters the command deck. Nesmith is then able to attack Sarris, who still looks like Kwan. But the rest of the cast pull Nesmith off 'Kwan'. Sarris shows his hand too soon, and Mathesar knocks Sarris out right there. Just lays the guy right out on the deck. The ship goes through the wormhole, but picks up too much speed to slow before burning up in Earth's atmosphere. It's decided that the cast, and Laliari will detach the command module and land that in LA while the rest of the Thermian crew plot a slingshot trajectory to get back into open space. Brandon rushes to the parking lot of the convention center where the Galaxy Quest convention is taking place and uses fireworks to guide the command module in for a landing. The module slams into the asphalt and crashes into convention where, if you have fast eyes, you'll realize that Patrick Breen is playing Emcee! The cast exit the ship module as the emcee announces their names, and the crowd applauds. But then, Sarris, the villain who refuses to die, emerges with a weapon! Thinking fast, Nesmith grabs a pistol from Weber's belt and does the commando roll, and vaporizes Sarris. The crowd goes wild, and Nesmith begins to take a bow. But finishing out his character growth arc, Nesmith calls the other cast members forward to take a well deserved bow with him. We then see a credits sequence for a new Galaxy Quest show starring all of the original cast as well as Laliari, and Guy as new cast regulars.

There really isn't a lot that this movie didn't do well. It's one of those instances where everyone involved knew exactly what they wanted their film to be and as a result, the film was brilliant. As I said earlier, this was a parody film that was poking some harmless fun at Trekkies. You see it in the Thermians and their insistence that it's all real. You see it in Brandon and his pals and how obsessively they're caught up in the whole thing, and you see it in the 'cast members' and in how they're dealing with the fallout of their shared experiences. It's a swan song to what it meant to be a Trekkie in the 80s and early 90s. I was a Trekkie at that time and I know that it was something that could net you some odd looks from people. It was a hobby that was a little misunderstood, and that the mainstream just kind of avoided. But it was a good time. Everyone involved in Star Trek at that time genuinely wanted to make great Trek and were genuinely grateful to all of the fans who kept everything alive. It was a far cry from today where Star Trek is seen as a cash cow that's going to be milked until its dehydrated husk dissolves into dust. Unpopular an opinion though this may be, the 80s and 90s were the cool time to be a Star Trek fan because Star Trek wasn't cool, and that's a realization that Galaxy Quest helped me to reach.

The film presents itself extremely well. It's well written, it's well acted, it's thoughtful, it's hysterical, and it's just fun to watch. David Newman, who did the score, created a fantastic accompaniment to a great film. The special effects are top notch. I don't even have to say for the time. They still hold up today, even on my 4k TV! I love the developmental arcs that each main character undergoes. I love that each main character is dynamic and that they've changed somewhat by the end of the film! This truly is a gem, and a great time capsule for reliving those grand days gone by. Assuming that you haven't seen it, I can't recommend enough that you do so quickly. I can confidently say that you won't be disappointed by this movie. It delivers on every level and you'll grin from start to finish.Take a stroll down memory lane with this classic comedy and stay tuned to next week to see what we're cooking up!

Deconstructing a Franchise: The Fast and the Furious

I know that this may come across as hard to believe, but it's a pretty tall order deciding what to discuss in this blog week to week. We're just over two years in and I like to think that we've kept things pretty fresh, especially with some of the subject expansion that's taken place in the last year. However, it can still be tough to decide on subject matter that will provide satisfactory variety. To that end, I started marathoning through the Fast and Furious franchise. As you know, there have been eight of them with a ninth on the way. We're not going to blow through them all in one stint as that would definitely get old quick, but instead, I'll toss a review in approximately once per month until we've gotten through them all.

I have to be honest, I wasn't a huge fan of The Fast and the Furious when it first came out. In fact, my only exposure to the first film was a friend of mine who insisted that he was super cool because he knew what they were talking about when they discussed NOS. The second film came out at a time when my access to movies was limited. As a result, the only exposure I had to that film were the trailers and those incessant Mitsubishi adds that ran all the time. I actually entered the franchise at the behest of my wife who insisted that I needed to watch Tokyo Drift because it was pretty cool. At that moment, a romance was born. I'm not sure why exactly I didn't get into the franchise earlier, but after watching Tokyo Drift, I realized that Fast and Furious was everything I love about James Bond films with more and faster cars.

I went back shortly after my initial exposure to watch The Fast and the Furious so that I could find out how it had all began, and I wasn't disappointed, but we'll get to that. I know that this is all a lot of backstory, but I just wanted to demonstrate that I didn't start out as some sort of rabid fanboy. I was however, thoroughly won over by the franchise over time, and that's where I'm coming from as I do these particular reviews. I'll still try to employ my patented level of objectivity, but just be warned that as the years have passed, I have grown pretty fond of this franchise.


For those who are unaware, The Fast and the Furious was based on an article from Vibe magazine titled "Racer X". The article was about the underground tuner racing circuits that were quickly becoming a thing. The actual screenplay is credited to Gary Scott Thompson, who also wrote 88 Minutes, and episodes of the 2008 reboot of Knight Rider. I bring this up for a reason that will hopefully become apparent pretty quickly.

The story of The Fast and the Furious centers on Brian O'Connor, played by the late Paul Walker, an officer with the LAPD. An unknown gang of thugs have been stealing (mostly) electronics from semi-trucks in the area by cover of darkness, and remoteness. O'Connor is drafted to go undercover to find out who has been committing the crimes and gather enough evidence to prosecute them. This is where the writer stuff comes in. Walker's performance is very much that of an over-eager outsider who has been looking in from afar for a very long time, and has finally gotten his chance to slink into that world that he's coveted for so long. I don't know if this was a byproduct of Scott's feelings towards the tuner culture, or maybe the author's point of view that wrote the original article, but it's an exceptionally good angle from which to approach a story of this type. I don't know if it was intentional, but it happened that way and it payed off. At the time that this film was released, the tuner underground race culture was still a pretty new thing, and you had to dig pretty hard to find it. Thus, an examination of the culture along with the presentation of the story really helps the general audience to get the most out of the viewing experience.

Along with Brian as our protagonist, we're introduced to Dominic 'Dom' Toretto, played by Vin Diesel. Dom and his crew represent the best that the underground racing scene have to offer in LA. They're extremely good at racing and have earned the respect of everyone that they've come in contact with on the quarter mile. Brian has tried to get into the scene by working for an informant who owns a race tuning auto-parts store. In this way, Brian can come into contact with racers, keep track of who is buying what, and also buy things for his own car. Brian and Dom cross paths when Brian starts flirting with Dom's sister, Mia. This adds an extra layer of drama as Dom's childhood friend Vince has a thing for Mia as well, and maybe feels a little entitled to a shot at a relationship, but you know what they say about moving or losing. At any rate, Brian builds car up from a Mitsubishi Eclipse. He sinks a bunch of money into it, and looking at specs, it's a great car, but the moral of this story is that you can toss all of the money at a thing you want, but if you don't know how to use the things that you build, they're more than useless. Brian and Dom race, and Brian destroys his car in the process. As a result, Dom brings Brian on to build up a new 10 second car to make up for the one that Brian destroyed that Dom should have gotten keys to.

This sets off a series of events where we get to see the true depth of Brian's ineptitude. He bungles a recon op where he pisses off some Japanese racers who absolutely do not like the dishonor of being accused of theft. There's a raid, and as a result, the Japs tear up Dom's crew as retribution. There are guns and explosions, and it's all very exciting. In the meantime, when there aren't guns and explosions, Brian begins to see that Dom's crew is much more than just racing associates. He sees how Dom does everything possible to protect his family, and how they all have each other's backs in every way. This is, of course, to throw Brian off their trail, narratively speaking, Dom and his gang are actually pretty honorable folks minus the whole thievery thing. As Brian gets absorbed further and further into Dom's family, he begins to empathize with and relate to the new culture that he's finally broken into. The attack from the Japanese racers throws the entire crew into chaos as each person scatters to ride out the storm. Dom is left holding the bag, and all seems lost, but Brian saves him. When Dom gets home and finds everyone else partying, he's understandably upset.

There finally comes a moment of reckoning when Brian realizes, and has to face facts that the perpetrators behind his heists are Dom's crew. There's a snag though, because there always is. In the interim time that it's taken LAPD to track down the thieves, the truckers have just taken to carrying weapons in their rigs, and Brian knows that on this last job, there's a very good possibility that someone is going to get shot, and maybe even killed. He races to save everyone, and manages to do so, but Vince gets shot bad in the process. It's at this point that Brian has a critical choice to make. Does he maintain his cover, or does he save Vince with his police connections. He does the latter and medivac arrives to fly Vince to the hospital. Dom is visibly shaken by the betrayal and drives off. Brian goes after him, and finds him sitting at an intersection in the most iconic aspect of this franchise, the 1970 Dodge Charger with the supercharger stack that makes me wet my pants every time I see it. The idea is that Dom, not wanting to go back to prison, is going out his way, in a freaking beastly Dodge Charger. He and Brian do one last quarter mile before Dom plans to flee, but during the race, the Charger is clipped by a train and does some spectacular flips through the air before landing painfully in the asphalt and smashing to many little pieces... and then probably blowing up because it's that kind of movie.

We hear sirens in the background as we see a wounded Dom get out of his car. Brian checks him to see if he'll survive and concludes that he probably will. At this point, Brian has to make another critical choice. Does he arrest Dom, or does he show Dom the respect that's been earned and allow him to flee? Brian chooses to let Dom flee, and Dom rides off into the sunset to lay low.

So how good is this movie really, and how does it hold up? Well, I'd say pretty well on both accounts. Yes, the franchise has lived long enough to see itself become a meme, but this original film is actually pretty solid. These were the days before rampant CGI in every movie and so a lot of the stunts are even more spectacular because they were physical stunts done in the real world. The plot is actually pretty well layered and engrossing. I don't feel like there are any moments when the story lags too much. It just keeps a good pace throughout. The technical stuff is all well done. There's some good cinematography used, especially during the race sequences, the lighting is consistently interesting and well utilized, and it seems like the directing is mostly solid. I can appreciate that there is quite a bit of character development going on in this film. Practically no main character ends up the same as when they started. They all evolve slightly. For that matter, even quite a few of the side characters undergo some sort of development during the film. I'd say the greatest weakness of this film is the acting. Our two main stars had a good bit of experience, but had done a lot of pretty shallow stuff for the most part. The rest of the cast were all somewhat inexperienced in big budget films going into this project and it goes without saying that most of the cast were relative unknowns at the time. As a result, the acting can be a bit off at times, but it doesn't detract from the experience very much at all.

I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to reviewing this entire franchise! Yes, it's had its ups and downs, as we'll see, but to me, it stands really well on its own. This film in particular was a great foot to start off on. It was a strong film in its own rite and I think there's a lot to enjoy if you give it a chance. You don't have to pay super close attention to the film if you don't want to, but there's a lot there if you do pay closer attention. Seeing the fantastic cars, and hearing the music, and seeing the costumes and make-up really immerses you in that world and it can be a fun escape if that's your thing. Give it a watch and see what you think! And as always, stick around for next week to see what we'll review next!

Celebrating Two Years in True Fashion: Groundhog Day

OMG! Two Years, y'all! And who would have thought that it would fall on such a fortuitous day?! Being as it is the day, and I haven't looked a this one just yet, it just makes sense to look a comedic classic like Groundhog Day. It's also just sheer lucky coincidence that this film turns 25 this year so we're getting reasons all over the place to take the plunge and do this thing! Before we officially jump in, can I just observe how weird it is that the second anniversary of the founding of this rag falls on the 2nd of February? Okay, that's enough of that.

SO, Groundhog Day incorporates two things that I enjoy very much: comedy from Bill Murray (the cleaner kind), and unexplained temporal loops. It also happens to be one of a handful of great collaborations done by Bill Murray and Harold Ramis. Others include the Ghostbusters films, and Stripes, any of which are pretty darn good. Anyway, Bill Murray plays Phil Connors, a big city weather reporter who just happens to live close enough to Punxsutawney, PA to have to cover the annual celebration of Groundhog Day, the holiday, not the film. I don't think they're specific about how long Phil has had to do this, but you get the impression from context of his loathe and disdain, as well as the fact that he has his trip all laid out in advance, that it's been at least a few times that he's had to do this trip.

Joining Phil are producer Rita Hanson, played by Andie MacDowell, and cameraman Larry, played by Chris Elliot. It seems like Larry has done this thing a time or two, but we're meant to believe that this is the first time that Rita has done it, and it seems as though she's hoping that playing this game could result in some career advancement down the road. She also seems enamored with everything that Phil has grown to despise: the small town with its local yocal charm, the people, who he refers to as small town hicks, and all of the tourists who show up for this one day and turn the entire town on its ear. In a way, this film loosely borrows a few story elements from A Christmas Carol in that Phil, our Scrooge analog, needs to learn an appreciation for a specific holiday and the people associated with it for him, and all of this lesson learning involves a form of time travel.

Phil checks into his own hotel separate from the one that the station had booked and settles in to commiserate the next day's activities. He wakes up at 6 am on Feb 2 to Sonny and Cher's 'I Got You Babe'. There's a declaration that the big day has arrived, and Phil goes to do his thing, which is tape a half-baked report on the main event, and then leave. He's in a hurry to get out of town and home. However, a huge snow storm that he said would miss the town of Punxsutawney hits the town before they can get out, and they become stranded. They return to town for another night, and plans to leave first thing the next morning.

This is where the movie takes a fairly unexpected turn, at least for a straight up comedy. We here the familiar strains of 'I Got You Babe' on the radio, and the declaration that it's Groundhog Day, and Phil realizes that he's about to live the same annoying day all over again. At first, he thinks he must be dreaming, or hallucinating, but as the events of the day begin to unfold exactly as they had before, he slowly begins to realize that perhaps there's something stranger going on. He basically does a repeat of how he did things before, and as the day draws to a close, he once again looks forward to leaving town the next day.

The universe has other plans for Phil Connors. He awakens again in exactly the same manner as before. Sonny and Cher, and a local radio jockey declaring a happy Groundhog Day. I'll not spoil all of the details as it could become tedious attempting to write it. It's much more easily understood when seen, and it's more fun that way! At any rate, once Phil comes to grips with the idea that he's going to be repeating the same day ad infinitum, he starts to do some pretty dark things, at least at first. He makes several attempts to take his own life in ever more brutal and disturbing ways. He also attempts to kill Punxsutawney Phil as well as himself thinking that if the rodent dies, then perhaps the curse will be lifted. However, each time he does this, he's thwarted.

Eventually, Phil resigns himself to the fact that death can't break the vicious cycle that he's found himself in. So he takes to stalking the town and memorizing their actions throughout the day. He also starts taking up hobbies and mastering them. He even eventually gets over his self-centered attitude and starts helping people everyday. At some point, he realizes that he has feelings for Rita and he begins to incorporate her more into his daily activities. However, it's hard to woo a woman when your a self-righteous, pretentious jerk wad, which Bill Murray plays to a fault. Once Phil is rejected a few times, he makes it his business to win the heart of Rita. Day in and day out he tries new things to try to impress her, and ingratiate himself upon her, but always to failure. That's not for lack of trying though. Some folks have tried to approximate how long Phil was stuck in the loop, and the best estimate put it at somewhere around 40 years based on how many different things he learned to do, and how well he learned to do them.

To keep things succinct, we'll skip to when he finally breaks the cycle. It all comes together once he learns to put others before himself, and once he finally learns that the key to Rita's heart is simply to be the best version of himself that he can be. He has to learn that all of the impressive, gimmicky hobbies in the world are no substitute for an honest, and open relationship. They spend a heart-warming evening together where she buys him a date with him in an auction, he sculpts her face out of ice, and he tells her that even if the loop never ends, he's finally found happiness because he's fallen in love with her. They fall asleep in his bed, and the next morning, it's 'I Got You Babe', but we see that Rita is still there, it's Feb 3, and Phil has finally become a marginally decent human being.

This movie has endured for 25 years, y'all. What makes it so great? Well, it's got great atmosphere first of all. What I mean is that the movie takes place in a quaint, sleepy tourist trap with one thing working for them during the one time of year that anyone cares. The atmosphere is that of a carnival and it's a lot of fun! Second, it's got characters that we can believe, even if we can't exactly get behind them at first. Looking at you, Phil. Rita is a sweet, naive producer who's just getting her feet wet, and Larry is just a genuinely nice guy that is pretty hard to dislike. Phil is a douche, but he gets the growth arc so... Third, the acting in this film is phenomenal! Even background characters are just amazing to watch, and they're all hilarious when they need to be. And the chemistry between all of the cast is just excellent all the way through. Lastly, and I think most importantly to this film, is the fact that is begs the viewer to ask the question, "What would I do if I were repeating the same day for forever?" I think, implausible though it may be, it's a fascinating thought exercise to undertake as I think that the introspection can really tell you quite a bit about who you really are. I feel like that's the number one reason that this movie resonates so well with people even after a quarter of a century. If you haven't seen it, I can't recommend it enough, and if you have, there's no better time than now to watch it again anyway! I hope you've enjoyed the effort over the last couple of years, and I hope that you'll stick around to see what we offer up in the years to come! Happy Groundhog Day!