Two DAYS! That’s how many days we have until Christmas! I’m not quite ready for it to be here, or for it to be done as this has been a tremendously enjoyable holiday season for me! I’ve had way too much fun sharing some of my favorite holiday films with you guys. I saved the a real treat for you guys we’re looking that the brilliant Bruce Willis Christmas classic Die Hard. I’m so totally excited to review this one because I had forgotten just how well this movie delivers so let’s get crackin on this superlative movie!
We open as our hero, John McClane, played by Willis, is landing in an airplane at the airport. There’s some apparent tension in McClane’s demeanor and some jerk gives John the worst advice ever… for an action film. The guy says that to relieve stress, John should take off his shoes and socks and roll his toes on the carpet. This will be very important later on. John gets off the plane and a plucky looking fellow named Argyle is waiting in the terminal with a sign that has John’s name on it. Argyle is a limousine driver sent to take John to his (John’s) wife’s fancy pants high rise skyscraper office building, the ill fated, and by this point, well known Nakatomi Tower. We find out through expositional conversation that actually feels pretty organic that John and his wife have been on the rocks because she got a great job as a… something… out in California while John opted to stay in New York to finish helping out his police officer brethren. I guess there’s a lot of loyalty between detectives, but I’m here to tell you that if it came down to my cop buddies, or my wife, I’m sticking with the one with whom I share a bed each night. Ya know, for the record. And also for the record…. I mean my wife. There’s no need to pervert things here. Anyway, Argyle is quite possibly the coolest limo driver ever. Hmm… I wonder if there’s an official title for limo drivers? *Three minutes later…* Looks like limo drivers like to pretend to me chauffeurs although I don’t think that title is actually applicable personally, but what do I know. Whatever you call them, Argyle has to be the coolest one ever to have existed. He tells John to call the car phone to let Argyle know if John will be staying, or will need a ride to a local hotel that night. Then Argyle parks his limo in the underground parking garage. That’s also important.
So John goes into the building and the front desk guy is all like, “Look it up with the computer.” That’s pretty cool because this was 1988, but at the same time, shouldn’t John be having a little bit more trouble because it’s 1988? Ya know what? I’m gonna give the movie points for not using what would become a tired trope several years later. John looks for his wife’s office, but can’t find it until… Oh right… She’s probably using her maiden name. Oooh… That’s not good. Meanwhile, John’s wife Holly is having a par-tay with her coworkers. They had a record breaking quarter and a solid end to the year, or something so might as well get hammered and hit on each other because it was the 80s! We’re introduced to Holly as the all business type who’s just there to do her job, and we also meet quite possibly one of the biggest a**holes in cinematic history, Harry Ellis, played by Hart Bochner. This guy is just… Well, you’ll see. Holly is just trying to get some last minute work done, and Harry is just trying to get in Holly’s pants. There’s a cut when all of the stuff that I already talked about with John happens, then the next time we see Harry, he’s doin some blow because it was the 80s! Harry and Holly’s boss sing Holly’s praises until she returns and then there’s the obligatory, and cliche awkward reunion, but this one works pretty well because you can see affection layered under some other somewhat negative emotions, and it’s all pretty well presented. John asks if he can freshen up, and Holly takes him to a private bathroom. They chat, she leaves, he feels really stressed out and so he takes off his shoes and socks. Terrible mistake, and you’re gonna see why so many times during this movie.
Now everyone that usually works at Nakatomi Tower has left except the people at the party, which is being held on the 30th floor. Why is that important? Because our baddie, Hans Gruber, played by the late Alan Rickman, show up and do some takin over. They cut communication with the security system, and probably kill the front desk guy, who probably got an undue bad wrap, and they talk a little bit about their plan, but in really vague terms before they show up on the 30th floor and take everyone hostage. They even crotch block poor Harry in the process. John hears the commotion and finds an opportunity to escape up some stairs. He remembers to grab his gun, but not his shoes. He realizes that things are terribly wrong when he tries the phone and it doesn’t work. Now he knows that he’s in for the long haul as the one man that can save the day. At this point, I’m not sure just how much detail to go into for this synopsis. You see, there are a lot of important details and I feel I include some, then I need to include all of them so that everything really makes sense. But if I go a bit more broad strokes, then you get the jist without me missing something that is key. We’ll just see how this goes I guess. So John reaches relative safety, and starts doing recon, and trying to get familiar with the building. In the process, he sees that these baddies have guided missiles. That little detail is supposed to solidify the notion that these guys really mean business, but we kind of get that impression earlier when they initially storm the castle as it were. They cut the phone lines, kill the lobby guards, install an impersonator, and lock down all of the entrances. They’re pretty thorough. And if that weren’t enough, Hans Gruber is super detailed about the big boss guy he’s looking for as he’s looking through the hostage crowd. These were pre-Google days so the information that he spouts would have taken a ton of effort to find. But yeah, they have missiles. That’s crazy!
Now Hans is a great villain because his motives are kept ambiguous throughout the movie. From the start, we’re made to believe that he’s tied to some European terrorists organization out for revenge. When he abducts the head honcho, he asks for codes to their computer system, and we’re lead to believe that he’s trying to ruin the company financially by performing a lot of fraudulent and stupid business moves. But all we really do know is that he’s extremely intelligent, and methodical. He dreams up hecka good plans, and he’s ruthless. John happens to overhear everything as Hans is trying to get the computer codes, and also when Hans kills head honcho guy. John manages to escape unnoticed, but needs a way to communicate with someone outside the building. I think at this point, we’ll montage a little. John does quite a bit of snooping around, and a number of baddies get killed in the process. There’s the guy that John kills that had the machine gun:
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| This guy! :D |
Then there’s the guy that had the explosives that John killed. There was a guy who had a brother on the baddie squad that got strangled, and eventually the brother as well. In between killings, John gets a radio, which he uses to contact local police dispatch. This gets Sgt. Al Powell involved. He’s played by the guy who played Carl Winslow in Family Matters and I’ll probably just call him Carl from here out. Carl is important to the film because he’s the moral support. The entire film, John is outgunned, and outclassed by his enemies. To make matters worse, at some point, one of the baddies realizes that he’s not wearing shoes and shoots out a window. Have you ever tried walking with cut up feet? I’m sure it hurts something fierce! But Carl helps John stay focused and grounded. He also manages to get more actual police involved. This winds up being kind of a morbid running joke as the lead officer refuses to listen to John and gets made to look a fool because of it. Unfortunately, this results in several good police officers losing their lives. Remember those missiles? The baddies use it to blow up and armored SWAT truck, and several SWAT guys get killed trying to breach the front doors. And all because Chief Robinson couldn’t bring himself to trust a pencil pusher.
Now don’t think for a second that old Hans wasn’t listening into John’s conversations, but John was smart and he used a fake name, Roy Rogers. This sparked probably the best known aspect of the entire movie, “Yippee ki yay, Mr. Falcon.” So… That.. That’s… not what he really says…. But I at least try to keep things somewhat clean around here so that’s all you get. But yeah, the back and forth between John and Hans is both amusing and tense as each tries to get the upper hand on the other and Hans tries to figure out who his unseen nuisance is. John also spends a lot of time talking to himself in a fairly disparaging way. It’s self deprecating, sure, but it’s funny in an almost endearing way. At one point towards the end of the film, Hans sends all of the hostages to the roof for ‘rescue’. This is after super cocky FBI Special Agents Johnson and Johnson, no relation, take over the situation. Instead of letting the hostages go, Hans tries to blow them all up, which only results in the helicopter getting blown up, and Bruce Willis starting a trope. He has to use the emergency fire hose to escape to a lower floor. It’s nail biting, and it’s the first time I know of that it was done so it’s cool. Also, there’s this plot thread where this TV news anchor catches wind of the situation and wants to break the story. He’s played by William Atherton, the same guy that played the EPA guy in Ghostbusters, because of course he is. The TV guy ends up cluing Hans in to the fact that Holly and John are related, but that only after our good buddy Harry tried to sell Holly out. He got murdered for his efforts, which I’m sure no one ever has felt bad about. Now once Holly becomes the sole prisoner, Hans finally clues us into what his real motivations are. It’s really well done. He’s just a thief. There are a crap ton of valuable bonds in a vault that’s nearly impossible to crack that Hans wants. We’re talking, like, over a hundred million dollars worth of bonds.
Well, John takes out pretty much everyone, except the tech guy. Once the vault is cracked, Tech Guy goes to pull the truck up to the loading dock so that they can load the bonds and leave. However, Argyle rams the truck with his limousine and saves the day! Hans and John become entwined in a deadly game of cat and mouse, but in the end, John throws Hans out a window and Hans dies badly, like, hits the ground at an incredible rate of speed badly. John saves Holly, and the day is SAVED! Oh, except that guy that got choked out by hanging earlier that I barely mentioned? Yeah, apparently he survived being strung up from his neck BY A CHAIN, and he makes one last attempt to kill John. However, Carl, who started flying a desk because he accidentally shot a kid, and who now has a huge aversion to shooting his gun totally caps the guy right between the eyes. And now the day is saved. We’re even rewarded with a wide angle city view as the credits roll.
Alright, all snarkiness and joking aside, I LOVE this movie. It had been a while since I last watched it, but I was really impressed with how well it delivers. I mean, you pretty much know what to expect going into it. It’s an action film that’s also a Christmas film, and not just because it takes place around Christmas. But, it exceeds expectations. The action is well executed, the details are not forgotten, the plot is both intriguing and complex, and even the main characters have a depth and complexity to them. For an 80s action flick, that’s a pretty tall feat! The film starts you off slowly like a rollercoaster climbing the first hill, and then it picks up abruptly and dares you to hang on for the ride. It’s an intense and entertaining watch and I would really recommend that you give it a watch if not this holiday season, then next because it’s totally a holiday film. There’s a present, and Handel’s Messiah is featured prominently in the score, and John says, “Ho, ho, ho,” a clear allusion to Santa. But whether you think it’s a holiday film or not, it’s still a seat of your pants thrill ride worth taking! Stick around because next week, we’re doing the last post of 2016! What surprises might be in store for 2017? Perhaps I’ll give you a slight peek next week!
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